When It Comes To Trust
A week ago this morning, I was waking up in a post op recovery room, feeling quite perky and somewhat talkative. My eye surgery was behind me – a vitrectomy to peel tissue from the macula in the left eye. It all happened as my ophthalmologist predicted: the operation took an hour; I was asleep for the more painful part until the eye block took affect; then I could hear what was going on; the anesthesia didn’t make me ill and for that I’m very grateful; I was in no pain and there was no swelling. I was home by 10:15 and ready for some breakfast.
After two years of avoiding the surgery due to fear of allergic reactions to many medications, I finally agreed that it was time to move forward. I decided to place my trust in research, my doctor and many others I might never see. “That’s a whole lot of trust,” I thought to myself, “much of it in people who might easily make a mistake.” You know what I mean – errors on documents, wrong eye, lack of attention to detail.
Rather than spend the next 8 weeks worrying, I decided to make trust a daily practice. I’ve always been a trusting person, but to entrust yourself to others is a somewhat different matter and harder to do. Really having faith in someone else takes some getting used to.
Every day I looked for a different person to trust. Some days it was small things like getting the right change, other days it was asking for an opinion or a commitment. Once I challenged my primary care physician to explore a new way thinking. (that one didn’t work so well although I learned from it).
And with anything you practice, it became a habit, so that eight weeks later I was relaxed and even confident. I also learned to trust myself more too. It will be several months before I know the outcome of the surgery – will I have more vision in the left eye? I hope so. Seems to me I better practice daily patience along with daily trust.